null.

“Its like a little meditation ‘cuz you can't really watch any one part of the screen or you’ll miss something that happens in another part because it happens real fast and it’s real short. So you have to kinda’ not watch anything, so you can be aware of everything.”

-Bruce Nauman

I am less interested in revealing the mode of meditation as I am the physical and emotional reaction that is expressed by way of it.  I feel that omitting any contextual information is significant in that it will maintain the images universality amongst the audience.  The purpose of each image is not to make comment on my reaction to any specific situation in time. They speak about a sate of meditation or what I refer to as null, which highly contrasts against an almost twenty year endurance through manic states and behaviors.  This state of null is a manifestation of every experience permeating my existence; therefore, an illumination of my past.

There is a lot to be said for the things a person does when no one is watching.  Beyond that there is an even greater amount that is revealed about a person when even they have reached a certain level of disengagement with the self.  I ask myself certain questions such as:  What are my modes of meditation?  When, if at all, does this meditation occur?  What sort of environment is necessary for it to occur?  As I begin to answer these types of questions I also start to think about how I might be able to achieve such with the additional presence of a camera.  My sheer awareness of the project at hand poses inherent issues.  The presence of a camera may also be problematic.  As I work through certain technical and logistical aspects, I may also find it necessary to have another individual on hand and behind the camera.  

Recalling personal experiences and significant relationships of my past and present has been the catalyst for the work that I make.  It is imperative for me to recall on the past to recognize the significant challenges and feelings that have stemmed from such, in order to ultimately have some sense how I got to this point in my life. I have followed less than a clear-cut path and periods have passed me by without “deserved” recognition and contemplation.  There are experiences in my life that despite lapse of time existed without conviction and at times, barely existed at all.  My work allows me to confront that which would have otherwise slipped away.  Since coming to Mason Gross and discovering this platform I have deliberately thrown myself into a pile of personal issues, swinging my arms and legs as I navigate inward.  During the process, I have even combatted my greatest demon (this achievement is defined in my work).           

I work autobiographically. It is important for me to maintain the integrity of my own expressiveness.  For this reason I will continue to use my own body to communicate to my audience.   At this point I am most interested in reaching in, grabbing this expressiveness as it occurs in real time.  I am investigating the different ways to incorporate performance, while capturing such acts through the medium of photography.  I have in some instances touched on this idea; however, the actual process of photographing rarely allows for total lack of control.  Excluding my concern for the formal aspects of each image (i.e. lighting, focus, composition, etc.) my goal is to reach a state of conviction and meditation that will ultimately be recorded then utilized to create a cohesive message.